“I have a friend that was born completely female, according to her, and then at 3 years of age somehow arrived at the conclusion that she was a man. This conclusion led to a rough childhood and youth due to persecution, etc., resulting in introversion. After high school she went into a deep depression and then sought out a therapist who helped her. She then began a process of becoming a man via hormone replacement therapy and eventually surgery. Please comment on changing one’s gender.”
Reply: With so little information, this is a tough question. It leads me to question what the circumstance and environment might have been for this three year old child to even make her aware of sexuality at such a young age. I, myself, was derailed sexually and emotionally at the tender age of 4 by a pedophile farm hand. My own circumstance and environment caused me to question my masculinity at that very young age and from then on, until I finally chose to submit to the divine reconditioning and re-creative process of my loving heavenly Father. Surely our Creator God knows and understands all the dynamics involved in this case and others like it.
We need to realize that this lady’s homosexual attraction to another woman is the basis for choosing to change her gender. And this drastic medical procedure does not then justify her homosexuality nor cleanse her from it. It only facilitates the sexual perversion that has been in her heart all along, resulting in much more confusion in her life and in the life of anyone who finds herself drawn into a relationship with her.
In the step-by-step program for understanding and overcoming homosexuality outlined in my book, step #11 is about Being Grateful. I believe it is very important to maintain an attitude of gratitude for the gender we were born with, or created with. Long ago a professor taught my father who then taught me that true happiness and joy come not from doing what one likes to do, but rather from liking what one has to do. Applying that principle to one’s gender would mean choosing to cheerfully and gratefully live within the parameters our Creator has established for our eternal joy and fulfillment.
If marriage to one of the opposite physical sex, as designed and instituted by the Creator of sexuality, is not a viable option for someone like the friend mentioned above, then one must realize that, Biblically, there is no other option for sexual expression, only abstinence and celibacy. We must also realize that society is filled with people who, for one reason or another, and in opposition to their hearts’ desires, are unable to have sexual fulfillment. There are those who are widowed, divorced, disabled, handicapped, retarded (or, mentally challenged), to name but a few; not to mention the myriads of heterosexuals who never find a desirable mate or who never are found to be a desirable mate by someone else.
What do we as Christians and society expect of all these? If a heterosexual woman that cannot find a mate for marriage indulges in sexual expression anyway, out of wedlock, we think of her as an adulteress, harlot, or whore. The same goes for the promiscuous heterosexual man, who likewise is an adulterer and whoremonger.
At the next level, if one cannot find a sex partner even out of wedlock due to being undesirable, disabled, handicapped, disfigured, mentally challenged, etc., and then resorts to masturbation, he or she has stooped to the practice of self-abuse. This also is unacceptable and unbiblical behavior for a Christian. Why would Christianity condone homosexuality and gender change as an exception to the biblical standard applied to every other possible situation relating to the 7th commandment, “Thou shalt not commit adultery”?
Jesus, our Example in life, was One Who lived His entire life without sexual expression and fulfillment. In this way, perhaps, He has aligned Himself in a special way with those who are unable Biblically or physically to participate in sexual expression. He was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. That includes the temptations of sexual intimacy and expression.
The apostle Paul was another one who lived “without.” He suggested in 1 Corinthians 7:6-9, “But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself.(Celibate) But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn (to burn in lust for one another.)
Jesus also gave some wise counsel though very hard to understand in Matthew 9:11,12: “…All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb (destined from birth to a life without sexual expression or fulfillment): and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men (as when captured and made slaves, such as Daniel and his three friends in Babylonian captivity): and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”
I understand this to mean that if sexual expression in harmony with God’s original plan is for some reason not an option in one’s life, that he then chooses a life of abstinence and celibacy rather than to resort to self-abuse, masturbation, sex change, or perversion of any form of that beautiful gift given to mankind in the beginning designed by the Creator for the joy of pro-creation and intimacy, between husband and wife, man and woman.
Father truly knows best…