Question: “We just took in a young Christian man who later confessed to being a practicing bi-sexual along with other issues – drugs, Free Masonry, past witchcraft, etc. He said he is not willing to give up the person he is, therefore he is willing to surrender his membership with the church. My question: Would you put him out of your home knowing all this, and, if so, why?”
Reply: If the young man is repentant and seeking help, then I would be in God’s will to assist him. However, if he is not repentant and not truly seeking my help and that of the Lord to be changed, then the situation is entirely different.
I believe I understand you correctly that the young man does not want to surrender who he is, that he does not want to submit to the will of God in these matters and is even willing to give up his church membership rather than give up his sinful lifestyle. Therefore, he is bringing this spirit of rebellion and defiance into your Christian home.
God does not expect us to enable the sinner in his sins. You can demonstrate unconditional Christian love for this young man without enabling him in his sinful lifestyle with room and board. It is called “Tough Love”. But really, the right thing to do is to give him a choice. Tell him that yours is a Christian home with Christian standards. He is welcome to stay with you as long as he is willing and wanting to accept Biblical reproof, correction, and instruction (2 Tim. 3:16), and is willing to learn to conform to the will of God, and as long as he will honor and respect the standards of your home and family. However, if he is just looking for a place to hang out, to be taken care of and provided for while remaining in open sin and rebellion, your home is not that place. Then, if he leaves your home, he has chosen to do so. You have not put him out.
If you provide an environment that supports the sinner in his lifestyle of sin, then, in essence, you become an accomplice in that sin, an enabler. God does not expect that of you, nor will he bless your home under those conditions. This young man, if unrepentant, will bring in a bad spirit that can cause much harm to your home environment and family.
Follow-up Question: “Some say the church should just stand back and let this young man come to the point of turning from all this on his own. Is this good or should there be a proactive approach? At what point do we apply Matt. 18:15-20? I believe steps 1 & 2 of Matthew 18 have already been taken, but the young man’s father is upset about confronting him regarding these issues. HELP ME PLEASE! I’M CONFUSED AND DONT WANT TO BACK THIS YOUNG MAN INTO A CORNER LIKE A CAGED ANIMAL. But he wants to continue in his old ways. And I have to say, ‘Not in my home.’ Is this a wrong thought?”
Reply: I don’t think it is Biblical for us to stand back and just wait for a church member to turn from a life of open sin. Yes, there should be a proactive approach according to Matthew 18, as you have already stated.
Paul told young Timothy in 2 Tim. 4 to “Preach the word; …reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine: but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.”
Isaiah 58 is rather bold in stating, “Cry aloud, spare not, lift up thy voice like a trumpet, and shew my people their transgression, and the house of Jacob their sins…”
If someone is professing to be a Christian and maintaining membership within the church, yet choosing to live in open sin, then we as loving and caring brothers and sisters have a duty, an obligation to lovingly reprove, rebuke, exhort — to work with them to bring them to repentance and submission to the will of God. Our responsibility is to work with these people for their salvation from sin, not in sin.
The longer this young man goes un-confronted, the more deeply rooted he will become in his lifestyle of sin. In love, compassion, and mercy, he needs to be confronted by those who care so much about him and his eternal well-being.
“But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost, Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. And of some have compassion, making a difference: And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.” (Jude 1:20-23)
All Power to you!