Plea for help: “I am plagued by this curse since the age of eight. I am so tired of it and have even thought suicide to be the way out, though I have never attempted it. Never-the-less, I need help!”
Reply: (This personal response to the above plea was bounced back through email, so I am posting it on the web site in hopes that it will be viewed primarily by the person in distress who requested help.)
It intrigues me that you have been plagued by “this curse” since you were 8 years old. I myself was plagued with it since the age of 4!! But then I have to ask, why would a 4-yr-old, or an 8-yr-old be sexually interested at all…? In a normal and healthy environment, children are not sexual human beings until they reach puberty. Children are not really equipped to deal with sexual issues physically or emotionally.
My theory is that for a child to be mentally, emotionally and/or physically sexual, he must have been introduced to it in some way. This could be done through any number of possibilities, through media, the power of suggestion, conversation, observation, etc., or deliberate physical and sexual molestation and abuse. Such was the case with me. I was robbed of my innocence by a farm hand at the tender age of four. And from that age onward my mind was obsessed with sexual fantasies, with men, for that was how it was introduced to me. I had no knowledge of nor interest in sexual behavior with a girl, for I had not been introduced to that. By the time I was in puberty, homosexual fantasies had taken control of my mental and emotional sexuality, and heterosexuality was at a great disadvantage.
Do you see where I’m going with this, P___? My first question to you would be regarding any possible introduction to sexual ideas or behavior at or about the time you were 8-years-old. Unfortunately, this is much more common than we would like to think. So many people I know were sexually abused or taken advantage of in their childhood, and this worked to derail them emotionally and sexually in later life.
I hope you won’t mind opening up a little to me on this so I can be better able to help you. In the meantime, please do not consider suicide any more. It is so final. There’s no way to reverse that once you go through with it. As a friend of mine once told me, “Put suicide off until tomorrow…, it can always be a last option, don’t rush into it, because you can’t take it back…” Instead, I want to invite you to go thoroughly through my web site at: www.victorjadamson.com. There is much information there that I know would be helpful to you. Please take everything I have written there as being written to you personally. Because I did write it for you. Yes, my answers may have been generated by someone else’s questions. But after sending them to those people, I then posted them on the web site, for you, P___.
Be of good courage. God loves you, P___, just as you are. Of course, in His love for you He wants to not only forgive you for your sins, but to also cleanse you from all unrighteousness. He wants to recreate you into His own image. He’s a loving Father that takes pride in you His son, wanting to reprove, correct, and instruct you in all the ways that will make you a noble, respectable, loving and lovable person, just as He is…
Keep looking up, my friend!
“Victor J. Adamson”