Regarding your relationship with Jesus, I can only
say that I do not know your heart, and neither do you, according to Jeremiah 17:9,10. But Jesus does, and He loves you unconditionally. You are His child, even though you are struggling. What would we think of a parent who would terminate his relationship with his child because of a struggle with besetting sin? Jesus loves you more than your parents could ever think to. Just look at the cross and you will see, though not comprehend, His infinite love and compassion for you.
However, those who consecrate their all to God will not be left unmolested by the enemy of souls. Satan will come to you with his specious temptations, designing to allure you from your loyalty to God. He will present to you his bribe, as he did to Christ in the wilderness of temptation, saying, “All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me” (Matt. 4:9) Of course, you don’t have to fall on your face before Satan to end up worshipping him. All you need to do is let go of Christ, and you are automatically under the supervision of Satan.
But what should be your answer to all the temptations of the evil one? You should say, “I will not lend my influence in any way to the advancement of anything save the cause of Christ. I am not my own; I have been bought with a price. I am not to live to please myself; for I have been purchased, ransomed by the blood of Christ. It is not possible for me to give to Christ more than that which belongs to Him; for every moment of my life belongs to Him. I am His possession, a servant employed to do the will of my Master.”
This is the only position that is safe for you to occupy when struggling with this or any other besetting sin; and if you will feel this way, what a power you will exert to draw and win other struggling souls to Christ.
All Power to you!