Question: “I have been married for 14 years with 2 beautiful boys. My husband came out of a homosexual background. He became a born again Christian, left that life behind and married me. I ignorantly believed that because he was a Christian that he was completely healed of all homosexual feelings. I was very wrong. Throughout our marriage he has had to continually fight those feelings. He has been unfaithful to me more than once in our marriage. Each time I have forgiven him and taken him back believing that divorce was never an option. Every time I took him back I believed that our marriage became stronger as I felt we had to work harder than most to keep our love alive.
“However, I have now recently discovered that he has been living a double life for just on a year. He has now filed for divorce as he believes that he is gay and cannot continue living a lie. I still love him dearly and am heartbroken to think that he can not only walk away from me and his boys, but ultimately he is walking away from God.
“I am really struggling to come to terms with the fact that I know that he is saved, but yet he is not able to walk in victory in this area. I am still prepared to forgive him and to take him back as I love him and have seen the potential in him to be used by the Lord. I have so enjoyed your testimony and wisdom on the subject of homosexuality as it has given me new hope. I almost came to a place of doubting that a person could ever overcome this. I would like to know what I as a wife or even friend to my husband can do in order to help him.”
Reply: Hello, C___:
My heart aches for you in this situation. My! What a patient, loving and lovable Christian you must have been to hang in there so long, knowing your husband’s past and present double life.
I must first inquire regarding your statement of “the fact that I know that he is saved, but yet he is not able to walk in victory in this area.” From what, in fact, is your husband saved? Jesus came to save His people from their sins. (Matthew 1:21) Homosexuality is a “sin issue”, is it not? Unless your husband has overcome his homosexual lust and behavior, by God’s grace, he has not been saved — from sin… Does that make sense?
Is there yet hope for him to be saved, from his sins? Yes, of course! An emphatic “yes”!
The theme of my ministry is that “Our God is mighty to save the whosoevers, from whatsoever, even to the uttermost.” The problem, however, is this: God says in Jeremiah 3, “Only acknowledge thine iniquity, …and I will heal your backsliding.” Your husband must come to the place where he can acknowledge that what he is dealing with is a “sin issue” before the Lord can help him overcome. Not an acceptable, alternative lifestyle; not a genetic inheritance of gay tendencies; but a “sin issue.” He must then come to believe that Jesus can and will save him personally from this sin issue, and then he will be one of the elect and chosen of God, His peculiar treasure. He will come out from the world, by God’s grace, and separate himself from every unclean thought and unholy practice.
Grace, by the way, is that divine influence working upon the heart and then reflecting in the life, according to the Greek dictionary. In other words, grace is divine, omnipotent strength to overcome any and all temptation. Jesus promised that “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness..” (2 Cor. 12:9)
It is not enough, C___, for you to want victory for your husband. Your husband must himself want this victory, and want it badly enough to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness”, etc. (Matt. 6:33) Perhaps you can convince him that temptation is not sin; that his orientation is determined by the direction he chooses for his life, not the direction that Satan, through temptation, chooses for your husband. Perhaps he would be encouraged by the text of Scripture where Paul advises us to bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5)
You see, so many gay people have been conditioned to believe that if they are ever tempted homosexually that they are homosexual, and that there is no hope of ever changing. But Jesus was tempted in all points like as your husband, yet without sin. (Heb. 4:15) Who would dare say Jesus was homosexual…?!! Jesus suffered being tempted. (Heb. 2:18) Jesus resisted unto blood being tempted, striving against sin. (Heb. 12:4) Yet He chose to lay down His life rather than yield to that temptation. So, the nature of one’s temptation does not define who he is as a person. His choice of direction makes that definition.
Joseph, in Potiphar’s house, resisted that almost overwhelming temptation of Potiphar’s wife by responding, “How can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” He put the thoughts and feelings of God ahead of his own powerful urges, tendencies, and temptations. Then he fled from the scene of the temptation. Joseph submitted himself to God, resisted the devil, and then fled from the scene in accordance with our counsel in James 4:7. This has been my own practice in the face of homosexual temptation. And, It works!!
If your husband is open to your communication, you might want to share this with him. Try to get him also to go through my web site before he dives headlong into this world of self-destruction and degradation, in which world I lived for 16 years. I do know whereof I speak.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Love your husband unconditionally, and pray without ceasing that the Lord will give him no rest, day nor night, until he makes an entire surrender of his will to Jesus. Pray that the Lord will do whatever it takes to bring him to the foot of the cross. But also remember, that your husband has the freedom of choice, which God Himself will not violate.
All Power to you, C___! Sorry for the delay in responding. I travel extensively and sometimes am unable to be prompt in my reply. I hope you will understand.
“Victor J. Adamson”